Ahhh, the fair.
Once a year, State Fair Park kicks into high gear, and does what it does best.
Make people in Wisconsin even fatter than they were.
It’s only the best Midwest fair in the history of Midwest fairs. (it’s the only one i’ve been to)(i also have to get off the ‘the best in the history of blah blah blah.’ it’s tired.)
First, my niece and I rode a ride for Pirates. Or by pirates. Of pirates?
A haunted pirate ride. It was the lamest.
About a minute and 20 long, hot and smelly, and loud and annoying.
And it was run by a haunted pirate. For real.
WHY ARE YOU HIDING YOUR ID BADGE, BRO?
We decided to save the food until after the rides.
Last year, there was an incident with a merry-go-round, a recent trip to Taco Bell, and me thanking the heavens I traveled with a nurse who wasn’t afraid of a little vomit.
First up were the cheese curds.
Wisconsin has a thing for frying cheese, okay? And I’m not mad at ’em.
You know what’s great?
Fried white cheddar cheese curds with fresh squeezed lemonade.
Brad burned her little finger Ts, but it was worth it.
Next up, another Wisconsin atrocity. Food strictly for the fat.
A cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme doughnut.
Absurd? Sure.
Delicious? Positively.
Between the active fatting we were doing, we saw some major funs.
Pier diving dogs.
WHY WOULDN’T THAT BE A SHOW AT THE FAIR?
Know what else?
A chihuahua climbing a ladder, only to jump off into his owner’s arms.
Look at his little chihuahua friends, hanging out on that tiny fire engine!
WHY.
There was a robot. He danced better than I do. (that’s hard, i’m fucking amazing.)
And to dubstep? He’s so hot right now.
There were animals.
I didn’t take pictures of a ton of them.
On account of the not wanting to leave my loved ones to sift through 700 zoo slides looking for answers.
I’m not saying I’m pissed about that, Mom and Dad.. Just disappointed.
This guy, though. He had feathery feet.
Deep fried Oreos. LIKE. WHAT. WHAT.
Of course.
Another of Wisconsin’s claim to fame/fatness.
Between Schlitz beer, and the Fonz.. There remains..
The Cream Puff.
Basically, just fatty sugary whipped cream in between some crispy crunchy choux pastry.
I remember being against these guys growing up.
Just whipped cream as a filling? Everyone knows that shit is garnish.
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PUDDING?
I dig on them now.
Because I know more things about things. Like choux pastry. It’s brilliant.
Someday I’ll work on figuring out how that shit is made, and master it.
Anyway.
Prep.
Presentation.
End result?
Happiness.
Though the Cream Puff gets the most press..
And it is indeed an iconic Wisconsin food.. (can foods be iconic? i’m not looking it up. somebody tell me.)
It has absolutely zero on the Fat Elvis.
FAT ELVIS WINS STATE FAIR.
Let me explain.
I’m sure you’re aware that Elvis ate peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches.
I’m not sure if that’s actually a thing, or maybe more of a myth like the old pills and toilet scenario, or..
Mama Cass and the ham sandwich?
I’m going to be honest here.
Something about Elvis drives me insane, and though I know a few facts here and there, I refuse to read anything about the man.
Sorry, Mom. Your Elvis scrapbook was wasted on me.
I’ve had your various sandos with aforementioned ingredients, and they were underwhelming.
You know what I had not had?
THIS.
I want you to know what this is all about.
I want you to pay attention.
I want you to pay attention SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW.
It’s corndog shaped.
That’s got to be five points straight out of the gate.
THIS IS A REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUP DEEP FRIED IN A BANANA BATTER TOPPED WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE AND BACON.
Did you read that?
Like, did you really read that?
Let me tell you again.
THIS IS A REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUP DEEP FRIED IN A BANANA BATTER TOPPED WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE AND BACON.
By far the best trip to the fair ever.
Seriously.
